Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Season, Reason or a Lifetime?
I'm feeling contemplative right now. There have been a few new developments in my life recently and it helps to reflect on how I got where I am today. There's a saying how people come into your life for a season, reason or a lifetime and each one plays an intrical part in who you are or will become. I'm organizing my seasoners, my reasoners (I know- I'm making these up) and my lifetimers. I pray that they all go into their categories willingly. You know sometimes a seasoner may think they are a lifetimer or a reasoner may think they are a seasoner. I've learned so much over the past year, that it is easy for me to distinguish between the three. Just a side note - A lifetimer is up for a super challenge - I've heard it ain't easy loving me.
I'm not old perse' but I've been around for a minute and experienced a lot in my thirty some odd years. In recent years I've tried to follow the rules of my first book, "Second Time Shame on Me" (plug ) and learn from the mistakes that I've made. In re-evaluating what happened, why it happened and what part did my actions play in it all, I find what I could have done differently. I'm not perfect by any means. Yes, I know its hard to believe that I have faults (smile) but I do. One of them being loving hard. I have an addictive personality so when I like something, I'm on it like white on rice. I want it all day, everyday and sometimes too much of a good thing can be just that..too much.
So I'm learning to pace my "addictions." Let go and let God is what someone suggest on their page. (wink- insert inside joke) The most unlikely person gave me the answer that I was looking for. Sometimes God shows us things and we have to let his will be done, whether it makes us happy or not. My knees are ashy right about now because I really had to pray on this one and I have faith that He will bring my prayers to fruition. I pray it's what I want and if it's supposed to be it will be.
I remember when I was younger I prayed for money for candy or for my progress report to get lost in the mail. Prayers get real deep when you get older don't they? Mortgages and car payments are pretty popular, new jobs or a lucky lottery number come to mind, and strength and healing always are in the top three.
I'm gonna follow that persons advice. I'm going to put all these matters in the Lords hands and I know where he takes me is where I'm supposed to be. I practice the power of positive thinking so every night I chant "It will all work out. It will all work out." And that coupled with prayer, I'm sure it will. Tears have adorned my face for too many days. It's time to turn it over. Confusion has now set in and it can only get uglier from here before it gets better. I pray once the smoke clears I am left standing as the victor. I'm going to my prayer closet and I ask that you all include me in your prayers amongst the prayers for the Benz's and the pay raises.
If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right but I'll be damn if I'm gonna be a dummy - unknown "ghetto" author (hmmmmm???)
I'm not old perse' but I've been around for a minute and experienced a lot in my thirty some odd years. In recent years I've tried to follow the rules of my first book, "Second Time Shame on Me" (plug ) and learn from the mistakes that I've made. In re-evaluating what happened, why it happened and what part did my actions play in it all, I find what I could have done differently. I'm not perfect by any means. Yes, I know its hard to believe that I have faults (smile) but I do. One of them being loving hard. I have an addictive personality so when I like something, I'm on it like white on rice. I want it all day, everyday and sometimes too much of a good thing can be just that..too much.
So I'm learning to pace my "addictions." Let go and let God is what someone suggest on their page. (wink- insert inside joke) The most unlikely person gave me the answer that I was looking for. Sometimes God shows us things and we have to let his will be done, whether it makes us happy or not. My knees are ashy right about now because I really had to pray on this one and I have faith that He will bring my prayers to fruition. I pray it's what I want and if it's supposed to be it will be.
I remember when I was younger I prayed for money for candy or for my progress report to get lost in the mail. Prayers get real deep when you get older don't they? Mortgages and car payments are pretty popular, new jobs or a lucky lottery number come to mind, and strength and healing always are in the top three.
I'm gonna follow that persons advice. I'm going to put all these matters in the Lords hands and I know where he takes me is where I'm supposed to be. I practice the power of positive thinking so every night I chant "It will all work out. It will all work out." And that coupled with prayer, I'm sure it will. Tears have adorned my face for too many days. It's time to turn it over. Confusion has now set in and it can only get uglier from here before it gets better. I pray once the smoke clears I am left standing as the victor. I'm going to my prayer closet and I ask that you all include me in your prayers amongst the prayers for the Benz's and the pay raises.
If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right but I'll be damn if I'm gonna be a dummy - unknown "ghetto" author (hmmmmm???)
# posted by Erica N. Martin @ 8:08 PM 
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Erica, I know where you are trying to go. There is an old expression, probably from my Madear, that says be careful what you ask for; you may not want it when it hits you, or something like that. I don't pray for cars, men, money. I map my plan and if it doesn't work out there is usually a reason and if I keep my mind open, it will be revealed.
Briefly, an example of a plan gone awry. I asked God for beautiful, safe, senior housing. I had my eye on this particular complex situated among pricey townhouses in a mixed community for more than 3 years. I needed a Section 8, which I had applied for when first arriving back in Chicago. When it finally arrived (another 2 years) I bravely called for an interview and met a very nice lady who had just become manager. I interviewed for 45 minutes, she had my "life" in a folder--no lies--and was shown this beautiful one bedroom apartment. We came back to her office to wrap up everything, was assigned a move-in date, then she hit me with the money issue. Now, remember she had my life story spread across her desk, she knew what I had to work with, my Social Security amount, everything. She knocked the wind out of me when she said bring me $875 in two weeks. I sat with my mouth open for a good 30 seconds. My first thought was to lay her low with a few choice words, then my Madear whispered in my ear "be cool, chile."
I was cool. After telling her that was absolutely out of the question, and my legs felt stronger, I left, walked off my anger and hurt for a couple of hours.
It ain't over.
In less than 6 months, I received a phone call from that same complex stating that my name had come up on the waiting list, and rattled off things I needed to bring. I told them Ms. X had already reviewed these documents. Why go over this again? She said Ms. X was no longer manager, and she misinformed me about Section 8 and HUD certifications, that they were a private company and didn't accept them. The studio apartment is $625. I thanked the new manager for calling me, and to take my name off the list.
Bottom line, even IF I had come up with the deposit, and Ms. X had installed me in the apartment, the rent would've gone up when the new manager came on board, I would have been unable to pay it, and had to move immediately.
I'm babbling, but I wanted to explain my feelings about begging God for whatever. I asked and he opened the door but what I saw was totally out of my reach.
Be careful what you ask for. I try to rely on my God given wisdom installed at birth.
Thanks for this opportunity.
Briefly, an example of a plan gone awry. I asked God for beautiful, safe, senior housing. I had my eye on this particular complex situated among pricey townhouses in a mixed community for more than 3 years. I needed a Section 8, which I had applied for when first arriving back in Chicago. When it finally arrived (another 2 years) I bravely called for an interview and met a very nice lady who had just become manager. I interviewed for 45 minutes, she had my "life" in a folder--no lies--and was shown this beautiful one bedroom apartment. We came back to her office to wrap up everything, was assigned a move-in date, then she hit me with the money issue. Now, remember she had my life story spread across her desk, she knew what I had to work with, my Social Security amount, everything. She knocked the wind out of me when she said bring me $875 in two weeks. I sat with my mouth open for a good 30 seconds. My first thought was to lay her low with a few choice words, then my Madear whispered in my ear "be cool, chile."
I was cool. After telling her that was absolutely out of the question, and my legs felt stronger, I left, walked off my anger and hurt for a couple of hours.
It ain't over.
In less than 6 months, I received a phone call from that same complex stating that my name had come up on the waiting list, and rattled off things I needed to bring. I told them Ms. X had already reviewed these documents. Why go over this again? She said Ms. X was no longer manager, and she misinformed me about Section 8 and HUD certifications, that they were a private company and didn't accept them. The studio apartment is $625. I thanked the new manager for calling me, and to take my name off the list.
Bottom line, even IF I had come up with the deposit, and Ms. X had installed me in the apartment, the rent would've gone up when the new manager came on board, I would have been unable to pay it, and had to move immediately.
I'm babbling, but I wanted to explain my feelings about begging God for whatever. I asked and he opened the door but what I saw was totally out of my reach.
Be careful what you ask for. I try to rely on my God given wisdom installed at birth.
Thanks for this opportunity.
# posted by 
: 9:36 AM
: 9:36 AM
God answers our prayers on his own time. I know your knees are ashy, but always remember, Knee-down; blessing up.
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