Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Am I being punked?
I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! I was gone for a minute but I'm back again! But this past weekend, I was just thinking: Am I being Punk'd?
When I walked up to my Uncle's funeral (RIP Unck) and two police cars flew by me, I was looking around like "Damn where are they going?" WHY did they turn into the funeral home parking lot? WHY was my whole family on the outside of the funeral home trying to restrain my cousin who was yelling and screaming and falling out.
I immediately looked to my left, then right waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come running from around a tree or car and say, "Erica Martin, you just got punk'd!" Ok, come on Ashton, where are you? Cuz, it's getting serious over there. So in an effort to try to maintain the tiny morsel of dignity that we have left after such an embarrassment I have put together a list of stipulations for attendance at the next funeral.
1. If you think you are going to pass out, scream and holler, start a fight or fall into the casket - DO NOT come.
2. If you have on a halter top, booty shorts, jeans, gymshoes, a blunt behind your ear - DO NOT come.
3. If you feel the need to hold a telephone conversation during the eulogy and/or are participating in a texting session with your baby daddy - DO NOT come.
4. If you have consumed more than one glass of wine before the funeral (i.e. a fifth of hennessy, a pint of gin, an entire 40 oz etc.) - DO NOT come.
5. If you just got in from clubbing and are so sleepy that you are going to fall asleep and snore loudly - DO NOT come.
6. If you think "Amazing Grace" is "Omazing Grace" and you really don't know the words - DO NOT sing louder than the soloist.
7. If you think you need to take enough flowers off the arrangements to fill your vase at home - DO NOT come (Talking bout "this one is for Little Ray-Ray, these two are for the twins, this one is for Shay-shay so she can put it in her diary...)
8. If the shoes you have on hurt, DO NOT take them off and walk around that funeral home like you are at home.
9. DO NOT bring snacks like you gon' be there forever so you brought snacks just in case.
10. Finally DO NOT close the funeral home, like you close the club. Gone on home and quit kicking it outside their establishment like you outside the club or something.
Any comments, suggestions, complaints - don't call me (smile). No but for real, this one might get my butt kicked. My family is really crazy for real...
Tell a friend or five - I was just thinking by Erica N. Martin is back!
www.ericanmartin.com
www.2ndtimeonline.net
www.myspace.com/authorericanmartin
When I walked up to my Uncle's funeral (RIP Unck) and two police cars flew by me, I was looking around like "Damn where are they going?" WHY did they turn into the funeral home parking lot? WHY was my whole family on the outside of the funeral home trying to restrain my cousin who was yelling and screaming and falling out.
I immediately looked to my left, then right waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come running from around a tree or car and say, "Erica Martin, you just got punk'd!" Ok, come on Ashton, where are you? Cuz, it's getting serious over there. So in an effort to try to maintain the tiny morsel of dignity that we have left after such an embarrassment I have put together a list of stipulations for attendance at the next funeral.
1. If you think you are going to pass out, scream and holler, start a fight or fall into the casket - DO NOT come.
2. If you have on a halter top, booty shorts, jeans, gymshoes, a blunt behind your ear - DO NOT come.
3. If you feel the need to hold a telephone conversation during the eulogy and/or are participating in a texting session with your baby daddy - DO NOT come.
4. If you have consumed more than one glass of wine before the funeral (i.e. a fifth of hennessy, a pint of gin, an entire 40 oz etc.) - DO NOT come.
5. If you just got in from clubbing and are so sleepy that you are going to fall asleep and snore loudly - DO NOT come.
6. If you think "Amazing Grace" is "Omazing Grace" and you really don't know the words - DO NOT sing louder than the soloist.
7. If you think you need to take enough flowers off the arrangements to fill your vase at home - DO NOT come (Talking bout "this one is for Little Ray-Ray, these two are for the twins, this one is for Shay-shay so she can put it in her diary...)
8. If the shoes you have on hurt, DO NOT take them off and walk around that funeral home like you are at home.
9. DO NOT bring snacks like you gon' be there forever so you brought snacks just in case.
10. Finally DO NOT close the funeral home, like you close the club. Gone on home and quit kicking it outside their establishment like you outside the club or something.
Any comments, suggestions, complaints - don't call me (smile). No but for real, this one might get my butt kicked. My family is really crazy for real...
Tell a friend or five - I was just thinking by Erica N. Martin is back!
www.ericanmartin.com
www.2ndtimeonline.net
www.myspace.com/authorericanmartin
# posted by Erica N. Martin @ 9:51 AM 
Comments:
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AHAHHAHAHA! This one cracked me up.
Man, do you have a way with words, I felt like I was there. Glad you're back
Man, do you have a way with words, I felt like I was there. Glad you're back
I'm sooooooo guilty of number 3 when I'm bored at a funeral.
After reading 6 I had to leave my job early to go home and change my underwear.
Thanks a lot Erica!!!
ROFLMA!!!!!!!
I didn't know they took flowers. OMG!!!
After reading 6 I had to leave my job early to go home and change my underwear.
Thanks a lot Erica!!!
ROFLMA!!!!!!!
I didn't know they took flowers. OMG!!!
And while you have this list, lets add, church services, weddings, and hell any other event where a modicum of respect is expected!
SassyScribe
www.xcapadesofthegirlz.blogspot.com
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www.blogtalkradio.com/sassyentertainment
SassyScribe
www.xcapadesofthegirlz.blogspot.com
www.myspace.com/sassyscribe
www.blogtalkradio.com/sassyentertainment
Erica, I never stay long enough at a funeral to watch folks act out and sleep. One family funeral fits into your "do not come" categories.
It was for my uncle, my mother's oldest brother. All his hood, drinking buddies came drunk and dirty, but they came to pay their respects to their pal. My uncle was an alcoholic, on his last leg, even the fire department knew him. I'd break the alarm box on the street and summons them when his wife locked him out of the house. Of course they'd convince her to open the door and let him fall in. That was usually where she left him.
This was many many years ago. It would never happen that way today.
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It was for my uncle, my mother's oldest brother. All his hood, drinking buddies came drunk and dirty, but they came to pay their respects to their pal. My uncle was an alcoholic, on his last leg, even the fire department knew him. I'd break the alarm box on the street and summons them when his wife locked him out of the house. Of course they'd convince her to open the door and let him fall in. That was usually where she left him.
This was many many years ago. It would never happen that way today.
# posted by 
: 9:57 AM
: 9:57 AM << Home
