Friday, June 09, 2006
My neighbors are giving me a bad rep.
So I was just thinking, why do my neighbors make me look so bad? I'm really a nice person.
There's an older lady 3 doors down from me who is pretty much...Evil. She's gotten to the age where she is miserable on a good day and any other day she's wishing for a quick and painless death. Her lawn is that lawn that your mother forbade you to ever step on because the owner would shoot you. So of course my ball tossing little men have ventured into her lawn on a few occasions to retrieve a ball or FIVE. Or my baby is just getting used to the "no training wheels" thing so he may make exceptionally wide turns causing his wheel to graze the edging of her lawn. But anyway, so a few weeks ago when my oldest tip-toed into her lawn to grab his football, she yelled out the door that, "He better get off her Mutha F'ing grass and if she caught him on it again she would strangle him." Yes, my mouth was hanging open too! So I took the high road and ignored that one, explaining to my child that sometimes adults don't know any better and this was probably one of those times for her and for him to just move down the street a little so we don't have to deal with her.
Well a few days later, here comes my baby justa biking it! He's geeked now. Even trying to ride with one hand now. So he gets a little too geeked and ends up falling - on her lawn! This bat comes out with a broom (yes) and tells him that he better get the !#@$ off her lawn and take his dumb a$$ down the street and don't come back down there. Don't even walk on the sidewalk in front of her house!" Aww hell naw ya'll! Now she got me messed up for real! I tried the high road but it was closed so I walked my a$$ down the street and walked straight across the lawn and knocked on her door. I'd never seen her before and was shocked to see that she was about 90 - so the initial plan to go down there and kick her face in kinda went out the door. But I did tell her that she shouldn't be talking to my children the way that she has and that I don't want any problems with her but the next time she threatens my children we will have one, a serious one. Why did this old bitty tell me "Well keep em' down the street then!" Plan A almost came back in to play but I maintained my cool realizing that anyone walking down the street right now wouldn't know who the fool was. I told her she was ignorant and miserable and she better remember what I said. My boys are looking like "Dang ma, you told her."
So then one day I'm outside picking the paper out of my yard and this big dude from across the street comes walking over to me with a little girl crying. He has the, "I'm mad than a MF and somebody better give me some answers look," on his face. I instinctively look around for my boys, Mookie is on the porch playing the PSP and Gary and my cousin are coming from the store. Then I look him over again to see exactly what I'm going to have to pick up to beat him with because he outweighs me by about 100 pounds and has me by about 7 inches. After I peep out all my options, I turn to the guy and ask him can I help him? He ask me is Gary my son, I nod yes. He proceeds to tell me that my son who is about 6 years older than the little girl punched her in the eye. I know right away that this has to be untrue because my son isn't like that and would never hit a girl. So I tell him right off that I don't think that's true and he cuts me off asking me why his baby girl gotta lie? So again I look around and spot the steel rake and then answer him that I don't know but we'll ask my son what happened. Well it turns out that she has a crush on Gary and when they were walking past her house she was trying to hit him and she tripped over a raised piece of sidewalk and Gary and my cousin laughed at her and kept walking. When he asked her was that true, she stuttered and then admitted that it was. The big dude apologized and whupped her butt back across the street. My son was like "Dang ma, you wasn't even scared of that big ol' man." Not knowing that I was shaking like Don Knotts in the inside but men are like dogs (no for real) if you show them that you are intimidated then it's on.
So my niece comes over and they're outside and I hear her telling another little girl, "I ain't scared of that girl. You know my auntie, don't play that stuff. She will fight a kid."
When my son's teacher made the mistake of forcefully moving him from one chair to another and in the process scratched him, he came home and asked me, "Are you going to kick her A?" (His exact words.)
Why do I have the bad rep of the ghetto mama and auntie who will fight an old lady and a kid if I have to?? I'm just protecting my seeds. But I will kick a kindergarteners ass...
I know I'm crazy but when was your most "Ghetto Mama or Daddy" moment?
www.ericanmartin.com
www.2ndtimeonline.net
There's an older lady 3 doors down from me who is pretty much...Evil. She's gotten to the age where she is miserable on a good day and any other day she's wishing for a quick and painless death. Her lawn is that lawn that your mother forbade you to ever step on because the owner would shoot you. So of course my ball tossing little men have ventured into her lawn on a few occasions to retrieve a ball or FIVE. Or my baby is just getting used to the "no training wheels" thing so he may make exceptionally wide turns causing his wheel to graze the edging of her lawn. But anyway, so a few weeks ago when my oldest tip-toed into her lawn to grab his football, she yelled out the door that, "He better get off her Mutha F'ing grass and if she caught him on it again she would strangle him." Yes, my mouth was hanging open too! So I took the high road and ignored that one, explaining to my child that sometimes adults don't know any better and this was probably one of those times for her and for him to just move down the street a little so we don't have to deal with her.
Well a few days later, here comes my baby justa biking it! He's geeked now. Even trying to ride with one hand now. So he gets a little too geeked and ends up falling - on her lawn! This bat comes out with a broom (yes) and tells him that he better get the !#@$ off her lawn and take his dumb a$$ down the street and don't come back down there. Don't even walk on the sidewalk in front of her house!" Aww hell naw ya'll! Now she got me messed up for real! I tried the high road but it was closed so I walked my a$$ down the street and walked straight across the lawn and knocked on her door. I'd never seen her before and was shocked to see that she was about 90 - so the initial plan to go down there and kick her face in kinda went out the door. But I did tell her that she shouldn't be talking to my children the way that she has and that I don't want any problems with her but the next time she threatens my children we will have one, a serious one. Why did this old bitty tell me "Well keep em' down the street then!" Plan A almost came back in to play but I maintained my cool realizing that anyone walking down the street right now wouldn't know who the fool was. I told her she was ignorant and miserable and she better remember what I said. My boys are looking like "Dang ma, you told her."
So then one day I'm outside picking the paper out of my yard and this big dude from across the street comes walking over to me with a little girl crying. He has the, "I'm mad than a MF and somebody better give me some answers look," on his face. I instinctively look around for my boys, Mookie is on the porch playing the PSP and Gary and my cousin are coming from the store. Then I look him over again to see exactly what I'm going to have to pick up to beat him with because he outweighs me by about 100 pounds and has me by about 7 inches. After I peep out all my options, I turn to the guy and ask him can I help him? He ask me is Gary my son, I nod yes. He proceeds to tell me that my son who is about 6 years older than the little girl punched her in the eye. I know right away that this has to be untrue because my son isn't like that and would never hit a girl. So I tell him right off that I don't think that's true and he cuts me off asking me why his baby girl gotta lie? So again I look around and spot the steel rake and then answer him that I don't know but we'll ask my son what happened. Well it turns out that she has a crush on Gary and when they were walking past her house she was trying to hit him and she tripped over a raised piece of sidewalk and Gary and my cousin laughed at her and kept walking. When he asked her was that true, she stuttered and then admitted that it was. The big dude apologized and whupped her butt back across the street. My son was like "Dang ma, you wasn't even scared of that big ol' man." Not knowing that I was shaking like Don Knotts in the inside but men are like dogs (no for real) if you show them that you are intimidated then it's on.
So my niece comes over and they're outside and I hear her telling another little girl, "I ain't scared of that girl. You know my auntie, don't play that stuff. She will fight a kid."
When my son's teacher made the mistake of forcefully moving him from one chair to another and in the process scratched him, he came home and asked me, "Are you going to kick her A?" (His exact words.)
Why do I have the bad rep of the ghetto mama and auntie who will fight an old lady and a kid if I have to?? I'm just protecting my seeds. But I will kick a kindergarteners ass...
I know I'm crazy but when was your most "Ghetto Mama or Daddy" moment?
www.ericanmartin.com
www.2ndtimeonline.net
# posted by Erica N. Martin @ 5:31 AM 
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Erica,
Girl, you are too funny! I've got a neighbor just like that old lady. She glares at us whenever she sees us and never speaks. We haven't done a dang thing to that woman! Our neighbors on the other side just moved out. Thank god! They were throwing beer cans and potato chip bags on the sidewalk and lawn. But if you say anything to these crazy people, they make it seem like YOU are the one with the problem. LOL! If I had my way I'd have NO neighbors.
Angela Henry
Girl, you are too funny! I've got a neighbor just like that old lady. She glares at us whenever she sees us and never speaks. We haven't done a dang thing to that woman! Our neighbors on the other side just moved out. Thank god! They were throwing beer cans and potato chip bags on the sidewalk and lawn. But if you say anything to these crazy people, they make it seem like YOU are the one with the problem. LOL! If I had my way I'd have NO neighbors.
Angela Henry
Ohmigod! I thought I had it bad! Beer cans and potato chips bags?? hmmm. LOL But I know what you mean, when I have to address the situations then I look like the fool!
This made my morning. Too damn funny. I had a neigbor like that growing up. Lived right next door. We grew up in brownstones in Brooklyn, so you know the houses are actually attached!!! Ms. Rose.... never forget her. She was the wicked witch of the hood fo' sho!
there's this woman that lives next to me with five boys in the house. she has trash up the wazoo all over her home and when me and the babies came out the other morning, a big ass possom was sitting on her porch - which she has a nasty ass couch on - just chilling. Like it was the freaking family cat.
You know I called environmental control on her butt and they issued her a 1000 dollar ticket - I bet i'm the only one in detroit with that kind of connection, huh erica - and now she looks at me like, "I know you called them on me."
I look back like, keep your nasty butt over on your property line along with your trash.
BTW, zech had an incident at school similar to that of your son. Some girl accused him of touching her under her dress and zech denied it and just kept saying no when they asked him over and over again. The principal, police, my father, the girl's mother was all in one room asking him the same question and trying to get him to admit he had done it (because he was the boy and no girl would ever lie). They kept him under interogation for like three hours until I got there from work. The boy collasped in my arms and when I held his shaking body and asked did he do it, he said no. Looking into his big brown eyes filled with tears, i knew my son didn't do it and i looked around the room like they were all guilty of hurting my child. I said, "Zech didn't do it." I looked hard at that little girl andsaid, "Did he touch you?" I think the fire in my eyes must have scared the shit out of her because she said, "No he didn't."
Her mother asked her why did she lie like that and the girl said, "Cause Zech wouldn't kiss me?"
I wanted to beat her ass myself but I just gathered my son and left out the room. Zech was so tramatized he didn't stop holding my hand all theway home and that night crawled in my bed and slept with me.
It's so nice to be a mommy sometimes and be really needed. I was a hero to my son that day.
You're a hero to those boys Erica. Don't forget that. Wear your cape well.
Kisses.
You know I called environmental control on her butt and they issued her a 1000 dollar ticket - I bet i'm the only one in detroit with that kind of connection, huh erica - and now she looks at me like, "I know you called them on me."
I look back like, keep your nasty butt over on your property line along with your trash.
BTW, zech had an incident at school similar to that of your son. Some girl accused him of touching her under her dress and zech denied it and just kept saying no when they asked him over and over again. The principal, police, my father, the girl's mother was all in one room asking him the same question and trying to get him to admit he had done it (because he was the boy and no girl would ever lie). They kept him under interogation for like three hours until I got there from work. The boy collasped in my arms and when I held his shaking body and asked did he do it, he said no. Looking into his big brown eyes filled with tears, i knew my son didn't do it and i looked around the room like they were all guilty of hurting my child. I said, "Zech didn't do it." I looked hard at that little girl andsaid, "Did he touch you?" I think the fire in my eyes must have scared the shit out of her because she said, "No he didn't."
Her mother asked her why did she lie like that and the girl said, "Cause Zech wouldn't kiss me?"
I wanted to beat her ass myself but I just gathered my son and left out the room. Zech was so tramatized he didn't stop holding my hand all theway home and that night crawled in my bed and slept with me.
It's so nice to be a mommy sometimes and be really needed. I was a hero to my son that day.
You're a hero to those boys Erica. Don't forget that. Wear your cape well.
Kisses.
Girl you are funny! I have a six year old son. So far I have not had a ghetto moment regarding him. However, my aunt has a neighbor who feels that no one can park in front of her house. Now mind you this is a public street in which I pay taxes for. She told me to move my car. I told her until she gets a handicap sign in front of her house like my aunt and her other neighbors on the block to kiss off. Well I really didn't tell her to kiss off. But I wanted to. She said she would call the police. I told I would save her the trouble and do it myself.
Of course nothing became of it. But like I said she had her nerve.
Of course nothing became of it. But like I said she had her nerve.
# posted by 
: 9:19 AM
: 9:19 AM
Ok, but why did I have that happen to me too at my hairdresser's house? Her neighbor came out and put a note on my car!! I was shocked that someone would even think of saying or requesting something so damn stupid! How you gon' tell me not to park on the public street?? Geesshh! People are crazy!
Jeni,
I love the comment and know exactly what you are saying. I hope years from now my son doesn't come up and say "Ma. I really punched that little girl in the eye or I used to step on the ladies grass on purpose!" BTW a small town moment is equal to a ghetto moment in my book! Thanks for posting.
I love the comment and know exactly what you are saying. I hope years from now my son doesn't come up and say "Ma. I really punched that little girl in the eye or I used to step on the ladies grass on purpose!" BTW a small town moment is equal to a ghetto moment in my book! Thanks for posting.
Welll, let me chime in here. I think you did good, Erica. I always said, You got to STAY ready. You ain't never too old to fight. I'll go toe to toe with Sampson, Hercules and the devil over my child. That old woman got off light. I'd teach her a new cuss word or too, don't care if she's old as my grandmother. Some things I'm not gonna tolerate. Did I tell you you did good? Carry on!
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