Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I'm screaming NO. Why can't you hear me?
You know, I was just thinking. Why is that when I say no, people just don't get it?
For instance the Muslim brother on 6 mile and Schaefer. I'm waiting at the light pondering my future as an author/publisher. Wondering when am I going to find time to get my nails done as they are in terrible need of a fill-in. Wondering if I will have to time cook dinner, kick my oldest sons behind and still write a chapter or two in Straight with no Chaser before I fall asleep, when the Muslim brother taps on my window and ask me do I want the latest copy of the Final Call. I politely smile and shake my head, "No thank you." Well the brother taps on my window again and motions for me to roll my window down. I'm not in the mood but I roll it down anyway. He says, "Well what about a bean pie my queen?" "Naw, I think I'll pass on the bean pie but thank you anyway," I say as polite as I can. Why does he set the bean pie on my passenger seat and tell me I'm gon' get this bean pie? Why did I look at him and drive off with the bean pie on my seat? I said NO! Anybody eat bean pies?
My son, I love him to death. He's the cutest 6 year old out here (I'm not biased) but he doesn't quite understand NO either. So we pull up at the store and I give him the speech as we take out the two bags of bottles I've collected from the trunk. It goes: Mookie, Mommie doesn't have a lot of money so don't ask for anything. I only came here to pick up something for dinner. We have snacks at home, ok? He shakes his little head like he understands. Ok, I'm at Save-A-Lot picking up the cube steak that should have been sold yesterday so today they have it on sale. I'm walking down aisle looking for the no-name green beans because they are 30-cents cheaper than the name brand ones but can be hooked up with a little onion powder and a piece of bacon. We head up to the counter and I don't get the bags that cost a quarter because I can carry these few pieces in my arms. When I set my items on the counter to pay, why does my son have an armful of toys, coloring books, candy and crayons putting them on the counter? What part of NO money didn't he get?
The brother with the Jheri curl at the club. I'm kinda laid back at the club, got a lot on my mind. So while my girls are dancing on the dance floor I choose to stay at the bar and nurse my Cosmopolitan. A few brothers ask me do I want to dance. I decline their offers. Just kinda wanna chill, you know? Wait... is that Anthony Hamilton's Missus Big-Bone? Hey that's my jam! So I snap my fingers, move my head and bop my butt a little. Here comes Jheri Curl, "Yo baby you wanna dance? Dis my jam too." "Oh, No thank you," I say, shocked that in 2006 they still sell the stuff you need to get a curl. "But I saw you popping that ass. Let a brother show you how it's done." "Really, no thank you. I don't want to dance. I'm just chilling. But thank you anyway," I say and turn my head. So my girls are still gettin low on the dance floor. I'm on my second Cosmo and E-40's "Tell me where to go," comes on. Awww shit! Now that's my jam! I'm snapping my fingers and bopping my butt, when I feel something wet hit my face. Now I know this brother ain't kissed me on my face! Why was it his hair? "You ready to dance?" He asked looking all greasy. "HELL NO!"
Is it my mild manner or what? Damnit I said NO - take it for what it is!! Ya'll my nerves are bad!
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For instance the Muslim brother on 6 mile and Schaefer. I'm waiting at the light pondering my future as an author/publisher. Wondering when am I going to find time to get my nails done as they are in terrible need of a fill-in. Wondering if I will have to time cook dinner, kick my oldest sons behind and still write a chapter or two in Straight with no Chaser before I fall asleep, when the Muslim brother taps on my window and ask me do I want the latest copy of the Final Call. I politely smile and shake my head, "No thank you." Well the brother taps on my window again and motions for me to roll my window down. I'm not in the mood but I roll it down anyway. He says, "Well what about a bean pie my queen?" "Naw, I think I'll pass on the bean pie but thank you anyway," I say as polite as I can. Why does he set the bean pie on my passenger seat and tell me I'm gon' get this bean pie? Why did I look at him and drive off with the bean pie on my seat? I said NO! Anybody eat bean pies?
My son, I love him to death. He's the cutest 6 year old out here (I'm not biased) but he doesn't quite understand NO either. So we pull up at the store and I give him the speech as we take out the two bags of bottles I've collected from the trunk. It goes: Mookie, Mommie doesn't have a lot of money so don't ask for anything. I only came here to pick up something for dinner. We have snacks at home, ok? He shakes his little head like he understands. Ok, I'm at Save-A-Lot picking up the cube steak that should have been sold yesterday so today they have it on sale. I'm walking down aisle looking for the no-name green beans because they are 30-cents cheaper than the name brand ones but can be hooked up with a little onion powder and a piece of bacon. We head up to the counter and I don't get the bags that cost a quarter because I can carry these few pieces in my arms. When I set my items on the counter to pay, why does my son have an armful of toys, coloring books, candy and crayons putting them on the counter? What part of NO money didn't he get?
The brother with the Jheri curl at the club. I'm kinda laid back at the club, got a lot on my mind. So while my girls are dancing on the dance floor I choose to stay at the bar and nurse my Cosmopolitan. A few brothers ask me do I want to dance. I decline their offers. Just kinda wanna chill, you know? Wait... is that Anthony Hamilton's Missus Big-Bone? Hey that's my jam! So I snap my fingers, move my head and bop my butt a little. Here comes Jheri Curl, "Yo baby you wanna dance? Dis my jam too." "Oh, No thank you," I say, shocked that in 2006 they still sell the stuff you need to get a curl. "But I saw you popping that ass. Let a brother show you how it's done." "Really, no thank you. I don't want to dance. I'm just chilling. But thank you anyway," I say and turn my head. So my girls are still gettin low on the dance floor. I'm on my second Cosmo and E-40's "Tell me where to go," comes on. Awww shit! Now that's my jam! I'm snapping my fingers and bopping my butt, when I feel something wet hit my face. Now I know this brother ain't kissed me on my face! Why was it his hair? "You ready to dance?" He asked looking all greasy. "HELL NO!"
Is it my mild manner or what? Damnit I said NO - take it for what it is!! Ya'll my nerves are bad!
Suggestions? Comments? Stories? Tell a few friends about my blog spot! Updated once a week!
www.ericanmartin.com
www.2ndtimeonline.net
# posted by Erica N. Martin @ 7:26 AM 
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Gul, a little Jheri curl juice ain't hurt nobody. Just remember he's gonna mess up the couch and sheet beyond repair! LOL. Jheri curl and still thinking he's got game. There was a guy that still had a Jheri curl where I worked a few years ago. My boss told him to cut it off, let it go. The dude had the nerve to tell him, "Don't hate me 'cause I got game." I rolled on the floor at that one. Sheeit. Bumping bodies and all that juice flying about, blinding you...you go girl. I'm gonna pass...
youse a straight up nut gurl. and i think detroiters are still fueling the jheri curl industry. i've been noticing - when i do decide to engage in reality - that its ever increasing and that's a scary thought.
you sound just like me when i go to the store with my children although i go into detail:
You will not say the words buy me.
You will not touch anything unless you have the money in your own pocket.
I am not buying anything for anyone I don't care how much you are dying to have it. Suffer.
If you make me knock you out in public I'll make sure I send you back several years with a beating when we get home.
Even the four year old has learned to not ask momma for anything.
you sound just like me when i go to the store with my children although i go into detail:
You will not say the words buy me.
You will not touch anything unless you have the money in your own pocket.
I am not buying anything for anyone I don't care how much you are dying to have it. Suffer.
If you make me knock you out in public I'll make sure I send you back several years with a beating when we get home.
Even the four year old has learned to not ask momma for anything.
I can't deal with the curl these days. Though I have to admit in 1984 I fell victim to the Jheri curl BUT I used to comb mine straight to the back so it looked like I had "good" hair. Top it off with some "JAM" shorts and a matching tee with 3 pairs of colored slouch socks and some K-Swiss...I was the junk!
Sylvia, you are a fool! But I'm taking notes. I love the "If I have to knock you out in public..." That is hilarious!
Hilarious Lynnette! Ok, I feel better because I thought he just caught me on a bad day! He doesn't tap on my window anymore but he does give me the mean look. NO means no my brotha!
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